Zam I Am
by MordorianNazgul
Summary: Darlina, Sarevok, Balthazar, Imoen, Solaufein, Minsc, and Boo have a run-in with a paladin outside of Watcher's Keep... PG for minor swearing and major idiocy.


            ((Okay, here is my attempt at being a complete idiot. The poetry is based off of "Green Eggs & Ham." Nothing belongs to me but Darlina and Zam. And I certainly don't own Sarevok's "What the hell is wrong with you?" look. I thought this up today, and decided to make all of you out there read it. Enjoy my strange humor!))

"Okay, Sola, let me get this straight," Darlina said, looking at Solaufein. "There is a demon lord in the Watcher's Keep, and the magic that is holding it there is starting to crumble, and if he gets out, the world will end?"

            The drow nodded. "That's about the size of it."

            "Another demon?" Sarevok asked in a bored tone. "Did we not get rid of one last week?"

            "Ah, but THIS is a demon lord!" Balthazar replied. "That makes all the difference."

            "Prince of Demons, actually," Darlina corrected. She stopped, looking up at the building with Helm's symbol practically plastered all over it. "Here we are."

            "Um… Darlina? Boo has a very bad feeling about this…" Minsc said, the hamster squeaking in agreement. He wasn't talking about the Keep, oh no. He was talking about the paladins in front.

            "Oh, great. Paladins. I wonder what THIS bunch will want…" Sarevok was examining a dagger that Balthazar had let him borrow. A fine little piece of weaponry.

            "Only one way to find out," Imoen proclaimed. Darlina led the group up to them, and the paladins started to whisper to each other. The obvious leader stepped forward finally.

            "I am Zam. Zam I am," he said, rather cheerfully. Sarevok gave him on his priceless "What the hell is wrong with you?" looks. Of course, Zam didn't seem to notice. "Will you fight the Demon Lord?"

            "Yes, I-" Darlina started.

            "Will you use a telephone cord?" With that statement, he pulled a phone cord out of mid-air.

            "Will you fight him in a box?" Zam grabbed a cardboard box.

            "Will you fight him with a fox?"

            "Will you fight him on a train?"

            "Will you fight him on a plane?"

"Will you fight him in a boat?"

            "Will you fight in an overcoat?"

            "Will you fight with Charlie Sheen?"

            "Will you fight him with string beans?"

            "Will you fight him in a hat?"

            "Will you fight him with a cat?"

            "Will you fight him here or there?"

            "Will you fight him anywhere?"

            The questioning seemed to stop, and the paladins gave Darlina an eager look. By now, the band was knee deep in props, a cat sitting atop Balthazar's head and Charlie Sheen bothering Solaufein. Darlina looked back at Sarevok, who was wearing the overcoat and hat. He shrugged. Darlina turned back to the paladins, and replied quite mockingly, "I will not fight the Demon Lord."

            "I will not use a telephone cord." She thrust the cord back at Zam, then bent over and started rummaging through the junk, tossing things back as she recited.

            "I will not fight him in a box!"

            "I will not fight him with a fox!"

            "I will not fight him on a train!"

            "I will not fight him on a plane!"

            "I will not fight him in a boat!"

            "I will not fight in an overcoat!"

            "I will not fight with Charlie Sheen!"

            "I will NOT fight him with string beans!"

            "I will not fight him in a hat!"

            "I will not fight him with a cat!"

            "I will not fight him here OR there!"

            "I will not fight him ANYWHERE!"

            "I will not fight him, don't you see?"

            "Now go away, and let me be!"

            Darlina swatted at Zam, scaring him and the other paladins bad enough to race off. She struck a pose. "There. Took care of that, didn't I?"

            Sarevok watched them leaving. "Damn rhyming paladins…" The rest of the group, even Boo, agreed with him. They stood there, looking up at Watcher's Keep for a bit.

            "So, who's up for coffee?" Solaufein finally asked. There was a chorus of "Sure," "Alright," and "Cool," and the group set off for the nearest coffee shop. "Darlina, what have you heard of a feline in a hat lately?"

            Right after they left, the ACTUAL Watchers showed up. "Hey, wasn't that adventuring group supposed to be here by now?" One of them asked. Zam and his bunch came walking up. 

"I am Zam. Zam I am." The Watchers looked at each other, and groaned.


End file.
